Twas two days before Christmas
and I was broke like heck,
Not a dollar was stirring, not even a check.
No stockings were hung because I just didn’t care,
I was too old for St. Nicholas
and too young for Medicare.
Me and my hubby were nestled all snug in our bed,
While visions of debt danced in our heads.
And Cameron with his pout, and I with my cry,
Had just wrestled our brains of how to squeeze by.
When all of a sudden, an idea struck me
like a car to a deer,
I sprang from my bed and declared “the budgeteer!”
Away to my newspaper I flew like the Flash (“a-ah”),
Tore open the pages and the words flowed like cash.
The moon on the breast of a new-fallen rain,
Gave lustre to the genius of my crazy little brain.
Right there, with my wondering eyes did I see,
The solution to our financial woes,
and it was all thanks to me.
Forget Suze Orman, I’m more lively and quick,
I knew in a moment that I wasn’t a trick.
More rapid than eagles, my ideas they came,
And I whistled, and shouted, “Budgeteer be thy name!”
“Now savings! Now coupons! Now e-bates! Now sales!
On, inserts! On, bundles! on knock-offs
and doing your own nails!
From the shoes on my feet! To the art on my walls!
It’s coupons for one, and coupons for all!”
And then all of a sudden, I heard on the floor,
The stepping of feet and the opening of doors.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
My hero, my knight, Clark Howard is found!
I was dressed in pajamas,
bargains from my head to my foot,
And his clothes weren’t too fancy,
it was a reserved kind of look.
A bundle of newspapers he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an old paperboy,
just opening his pack.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His smile was gimungous! And his nose, sort of hairy.
His mouth was a grin like the Cheshire Cat,
And he looked upon me and gave my head a little pat.
“Now Brittany,” he said in his radio voice so deep,
“Go back to bed, you really need sleep.”
“But Clark!” I exclaimed with an accompanying “gasp!”
“I’ve been dying to meet you, I want this to last.”
His posture, superb, and his ears like a right jolly old elf.
And I laughed all of sudden, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke just four words, and it touched me so dear,
He jumped in the air and yelled, “I am a budgeteer!”
And laying his finger on top of his heart,
Said “don’t give up Brittany, what you do is an art.”
He sprang out the door, and caused such a clatter,
My hubby woke up to see what was the matter.
And then out of nowhere in the echo of night,
Clark Howard exclaimed, “Merry Christmas to all, and budgeteers unite!”