VALDOSTA — “The Back-up Plan” (Romantic Comedy: 1 hour, 38 minutes); Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Alex O’Loughlin and Anthony Anderson; Director: Alan Poul; Rated: PG-13 (Profanity, mature themes, and sexual innuendo and some crude mature themes)

Movie Review: While this may be Jennifer Lopez at her best, the plot for this romantic comedy is one mess. Lopez stars as Zoe, a lady thinking she will never find “Mr. Right” with whom to have children and live happily ever after. As fate should prescribe, Zoe meets Stan (Australian actor O’Loughlin), a cheese farmer. The problem is Zoe was artificially inseminated just hours earlier, and surprise, she is pregnant. Zoe always wanted to be a mother, but her new expectancy may ruin her chances with Stan.

Jennifer Lopez’s character wants to have a child, but no man will be romantic with her to impregnate her. This would make more sense if Lopez were Phyllis Diller. Lopez is a sexy woman, beautiful and talented. Her character Zoe is the same. Yet, she is single.

On the other hand, O’Loughlin is a handsome man. One has to question why he decides to love a woman who is pregnant — with twins! He does not know about the pregnancy, but one has to wonder.

The two constantly argue and jump in and out of their relationship with the gracefulness of Mike Tyson in a ballet performance. She keeps telling him to leave, and he stays. The repetitive process is goofy and a forced situation.

Much material exists in which to like about this comedy, but the joke never appears to arrive. The best occurs during the films’ closing credits. Television director Alan Poul directs this semi-funny but awkward romance.

Grade: C (Plan B: Skip out before the babies are born!)

 

“The Losers” (Action/Comedy: 1 hour, 37 minutes); Starring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans, Idris Elba and Jason Patric; Director: Sylvain White; Rated: PG-13 (Intense action and violence, sensuality and profanity)

Movie Review: Think of the A-Team as a team of five and throw in Aisha (the beautiful Saldana), and the nature of this film appears unimaginative and trite. Five men, led by Clay (Morgan), find themselves betrayed by a money-hungry, mad man, Max (Patric in an odd role). Col. Clay and his team seek out Max for revenge. 

Revenge is a dish best served with bombs, guns and murder. Such an exaggeration is the continuing theme of “The Losers.” However, audiences of this flick are the major losers. Directed by White (“Stomp the Yard,” 2007) and loosely based on the comic book from DC Comics, two movies exist here. One details five guys’ need to retaliate for being betrayed, and the other is a cluster of useless, muddled subplots that collide in a messy conclusion.  

Grade: C+ (The real losers — audiences)

 

“Oceans” (Documentary: 1 hour, 24 minutes); Directors: Jacques Perrin and Jacques Cluzaud; Rated: G (Footage of animals attacking each other)

Movie Review: Jacques Cluzaud and Jacques Perrin work together again to produce another nature documentary for Walt Disney Studios. This outing has them and a team of others exploring the vastness of the Earth’s oceans, which cover three-quarters of the earth’s surface. They show that these unexplored areas have fascinating life forms of many types.

Pierce Brosnan, who is a little too theatrical in this role, supplies the narration for this visual beauty. At times, he appears to be performing at an open-mic night. He is a fine actor and does a good job, but his narration does distract at times.   

Meanwhile, the producers of this film show plenty of sealife, focusing on the most unique. Conversely, they briskly show some animals yet fail to allow viewers to see enough. Some of the life forms are fascinating, but audiences receive only a glance before the next animal is present. Apparently, quantity is more important than substance.

“March of the Penguins” (2005) and “Earth” (2007) are dynamic films. They provide plenty about the animals featured, giving viewers a chance to understand the creatures. “Oceans” exhibits plenty while supplying little information about the lives of these unique beings. Even more, sea life shown is mainly the typical lifeforms of the oceans seen far too often: sharks, whales, schools of fish and crustaceans.

They highlight the stereotypical aspects of the oceans when plenty of other animals exist that are just as interesting, if not more. 

Grade: C (Watered down)

 

“A Nightmare on Elm Street” (Thriller/Horror: 1 hour, 35 minutes); Starring: Jackie Earle Haley and Quentin O’Grady; Director: Samuel Bayer;  Rated: R (Violence, gore, profanity and thematic elements)

Movie Review: Several high schoolers are unable to sleep because of horrific nightmares. The teens find themselves stalked by Freddy Krueger (Haley), a badly burned man with blades on his right hand, in their dreams. Krueger is not stalking every teen. He is selecting very specific children ones with a common history. If Krueger kills the teens in their dreams, they also die similarly in the waking world.

A major problem with modern-day horrors is that they concentrate more on thrills than horror, and most are recycled from movies of yesteryear. They make no improvement on the original. If you are going to remake a film, it should excel the original. This is not the case. One can easily watch modern horror flicks, immediately return home, and go to sleep with ease. The horror films of yesteryear, such as “Psycho,” and “Jaws,” affected the psyche, making them very effective. This latest addition of “Nightmare” is easily forgettable   

“A Nightmare on Elm Street” is a remake of director Wes Craven’s 1984 production. This latest version is an unnecessary remake. The characters are flat. The story is iffy. Gory visual aspects are overdone.

Grade: C- (A mere daydream)