We’ve all been sucked into the big dumb movie marketing machine, where the latest tidbits are neither newsworthy nor exciting, but we still feel the need to broadcast them.

How exactly does this happen? It’s not that complicated. If you happen to be a movie-maker, you can even do it yourself in a few easy steps. Here they are:

– Shroud your movie in an air of mystery .

Everything from character names to the instruments on the score should be kept under wraps. If you forcefully claim to be enigmatic, then dropping the tiniest crumb of mundane information starts to feel like finding out the identity of Deep Throat. And voila: Interested parties are going to race to be the first of their friends to publicize any “news.”

– Announce the movie’s release date.

You’re going to change it later, of course, but you want to make sure to start a subconscious countdown clock in people’s brains.

– Release the casting news as slowly as possible.

But don’t give too much intel about who’s playing what character (please refer to point one). And don’t worry about silly things like official contract negotiations. Just use vague language, such as “Christian Bale is attached to star in the new Steve Jobs biopic” or “Leonardo DiCaprio in talks to play Steve Jobs” or “Michael Fassbender might really actually be the guy playing Steve Jobs now. Maybe.”

– Release a photo from the set.

Make sure to tweet that it’s the first photo. That makes it seem more important. Keep it breezy, and don’t worry about capturing any actual action.

– Announce the date the teaser trailer will premiere.

Do it with a handwritten note, because your Nana would approve. And, if you’re J.J. Abrams, you can get away with some fun “Star Wars”-themed drawings, too.

– Release the teaser trailer.

Use strategic voiceover and emotional music in place of anything consequential. Give nothing away!

– Release the theatrical trailer .

You’re going to have to tip your hand a little here. You want to reveal at least one scene that will get people talking, such as Channing Tatum dancing and welding at the same time.

– Send the stars out into the world to do countless junkets.

Bonus points if you can get them to divulge something steamy that people will want to retweet, such as Tatum’s revelation that he and his wife may one day have a threesome with Daenerys Targaryen. But also warn them against saying something that could possibly be construed as sexist. (Then again, no publicity is bad publicity, right?)

– Throw the cast on “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.”

It’s not like he’s going to lob any hard questions at them. Just make sure the actors have practiced their lip-syncing, dancing and xylophone plinking skills ahead of time to ensure a clip with maximum shareability.

– Sit back and laugh maniacally at your handiwork.