Angie Land

I love “love.”

Even after quite a few years of marriage, I still love for my husband to make the effort to make me feel special. As a matter of fact, I have never spoken to a wife who doesn’t enjoy or even yearn for their husband to do the same. Since we celebrated “love” this week via Valentine’s Day, I want to encourage husbands and wives to be intentional about this area of marriage. Before I begin, let me add one disclaimer: If it seems like I am leaning a little more toward the husbands, it is because I often hear from men that they don’t understand what their wife wants. Trust me, your wife wants you to know, so please view this as a little encouragement and help in the right direction. I promise the payoff will be worth it!

I ran across an anonymous quote recently that gives us a great starting place: “If a man has enough “horse sense” to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.” One of the most important ways a man can romance his wife is to cherish her. Not just on special occasions, but to make it a practice. Webster’s dictionary defines the word cherish: To hold as precious; to keep with care and affection. How different might your wife act if she felt precious to you all the time? Perhaps many women become “old nags” because that is how they are treated.

When I was a young wife, an older lady shared her secret of marital success: “Treat your husband as if he is already the man you hope he someday becomes. When you honor him it will stir the desire in him to become that man.” Too often couples get in the endless cycle of trying to demand respect and honor from the other one.

In counseling situations, I always encourage a couple to be willing to leap off this destructive cycle. As the head of your home, I ask husbands to go first. Ephesians 5:28 says that “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” No better time to start moving in the right direction! Here are a few practical but very powerful ways to cherish your wife:

• Be intentionally thoughtful. Help with a task without being asked; open the door for her, etc. At a recent ballgame, I saw a teenage boy wipe off a wet bleacher with his pants so that his date could sit in a dry place. He has the right idea!
• Listen to her. Learn to press the off button on the remote. Stop what you are doing so that you can look at her when she is speaking to you. Look her in the eyes. Consider what she has to say as important. Ask for her opinion when making decisions.
• Share your life with her. Remember that you married in order to do life together. Going your separate ways too often can lead you apart. Your wife will feel honored if you include her in your thoughts and feelings.
• Defend her honor: A husband who cherishes his wife won’t allow another person to disrespect her in any way, even at the expense of a laugh. Hold the standard high even with your children, extended family or friends.

By the way ladies, these same principles work well to honor your husband too! Along with these, I challenge you to make a list of what your husband is doing right and share it with him this week. You may just be on the way to the best Valentine’s Day ever, because every heart matters!

Blessings, Angie

Heart Matters is a weekly column written by Angie Land, Director of the Family Life Ministries of the Lafayette Baptist Association, where she teaches Bible studies, leads marriage and family conferences and offers Biblical counseling to individuals, couples and families. Contact Angie with questions or comments at angieland3@windstream.net.