Angie Land

“You deserve it!” I wonder how often we have been convinced to buy something because we believed we deserved it? We constantly hear messages and commercials about products and services, all promising something we should not have to live without. And yet, while we are so busy patting ourselves on the back for being so deserving, who really gets the better deal?

According to Romans 16:17-18, the Bible says that people who are serving their own appetites use “smooth talk and flattery to deceive the minds of naïve people.” Proverbs 29:5 also warns “whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.” This is a warning to be more guarded in the face of flattery than an honest reprimand. Initially, it may not be as pleasant, but at least you will honestly know where you stand.

William Penn, founder of the Pennsylvania colony, was once quoted: “Avoid flatterers, for they are thieves in disguise.” And he didn’t even have television! In relation to false advertisement, we can easily make the connection between a flatterer and a thief. After all, we know those commercials are purposed to make a profit! In relationships, however, we might not always see the correlation as clearly.

By definition, flattery is “excessive praise from motives of self-interest.” Thus, it is the motives and not the praise that is the problem. In healthy relationships, our motives should always be for the good of the other person. Honest compliments are always welcome, but deceptive flattery truly is a net for our feet and a thief in disguise. Why is this so? 1) Since the motive for flattery is self-interest, it lays a trap to manipulate behavior from which the flatterer will benefit. If a simple request would be rejected, flattery becomes the tool that serves to deceive and control. 2) Flattery is dangerous to the recipient when it is received, (we might say “swallowed hook, line and sinker”) and results with pride and conceit causing the person to act foolishly.

It is worth mentioning that we are all susceptible to flattery because it is human nature to enjoy hearing good things about ourselves, especially the positive opinion of others. Interestingly, the original Hebrew word for flattery translates “smooth,” (hence the caution for a “smooth-talker”) and gives us warning when praise is too easy to swallow. Wisdom and discernment dictate that we learn to recognize when praise is being “laid on a little thick.” We must also consider the source. Ask yourself, “Would this same person tell me the truth if it were hard to hear?” If the answer is yes, enjoy the compliment. Otherwise, look down and beware of the net around your feet…

Because every heart matters,

Angie

Heart Matters is a weekly column written by Angie Land, Director of the Family Life Ministries of the Lafayette Baptist Association, where she teaches bible studies, leads marriage and family conferences and offers biblical counseling to individuals, couples and families. Contact Angie with questions or comments at landangie4@gmail.com.