The late summer afternoon thunderstorms come like clockwork to South Georgia skies. One of the signs that “hurricane season” is now upon us.

I recall past experiences with hurricanes and tropical storms and won’t be unprepared again. Three valuable lessons I learned from previous skirmishes with these storms: 1. The television doesn’t work without power (a crushing blow). 2. To children, Monopoly game pieces are good eating. 3. Hardly any televisions are battery operated.

With that in mind, I am currently in the midst of preparations to alleviate the hellish boredom that comes with being without power, without light, without a microwave oven, without TV, DVR or AC but with a bunch of people stuck in a hot room with nothing to do.

My wife finds these lack of modern amenities endearing — a chance to interact and be creative without the squawk of contemporary convenience.

She envisions inviting family members over to our house to sit around in the dark and talk, engage in light-hearted banter, play games or participate in popular sing-a-longs like “Kumbayah,” “Michael Row the Boat Ashore” or “Yammo Be There” — which, on an unrelated note, is a very effective method of torture.

I’d rather attempt to swallow a T-square.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my family; love being around them. But I can’t be around anybody for more than five hours at a single sitting, even myself. That’s why I take a nap every four hours.

Thus, I have prepared a listing of some things you can do during a hurricane to break up the monotony, have some fun and preserve your sanity.

You are welcome in advance.

– Darts.

Darts don’t require any electricity. All you need is a dart and a board, and if you have children, a suit of rigid armor.

While fun during the daytime, the merriment multiplies with no lighting.

– Hide-and-Seek.

Kids love hide-and-seek and adults can too, if they know how to play.

Here’s what I do: Right before you’re about to play, grab a good book and a flashlight. When you hide, lock yourself in the bathroom or a closet or in the attic. Those boneheads won’t find you for hours.

– Cards.

If you’re stuck in the house for hours, you might as well make a buck.

Break the piggy-banks, put the candles on the dining room table and start a lengthy round of Texas Hold ‘Em (Sidenote: Most kids under 6 don’t know the rules of Texas Hold ‘Em, which could be an advantage if you can find some to play).

– Contests that provoke sleep.

I love sleeping during storms. Problem is, I always have all these people running around my house, yelling and stuff. The goal is: Get everybody else to sleep, too. For children, you have to wear them out. One way to do that is contests. Some surefire suggestions include: Push-up or pull-up contests (children are notoriously weak); Night boxing (a knockout is a form of sleep); Spinning contests (first kid to pass out wins!); Drinking games (warm milk laced with Benadryl).

For adults, I’d suggest the following, in order: drinking games (with or without Benadryl), then spinning contests, more drinking games, then night boxing.

Remember: If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. Or is it the other way around?

© Len Robbins 2022