Many folks would be surprised to see the tabs which bar waitresses and bartenders use to keep track of their orders.

Having worked in a bar years ago, I know they don’t always use a name as much as they use a description. Such a description helped a waitress keep track of who’s sitting where as much as it did in remembering who’s drinking what.

Say your name is Jimmy Johanson. And if your name is Jimmy Johanson, my apologies, I am only using your name to make a few points.

So, you’re Jimmy Johanson. You know you’re Jimmy Johanson but the waitress may not know you’re Jimmy Johanson. So, instead of writing Jimmy Johanson on your bar tab, she may scribble a physical description of Jimmy Johanson.

If Jimmy Johanson is a short, fat, bald guy, sorry Jimmy Johanson, but you may be known on your tab ticket as “Short, Fat, Bald Guy.” However, if you are a short, fat, bald Jimmy Johanson but have a great personality, she may mark your tab as Great Guy. Of course, you could have a great personality and the waitress still mark you down as “Short, Fat, Bald Guy.”

Or you could be a good-looking hunk of Jimmy Johanson. The waitress may even think you’re a good-looking hunk and write down. “Good-Looking Hunk.”

Of course, if you’re a good-looking hunk who acts like a jerk then a drink or two into your tab, she may cross out “Good-Looking Hunk” and change your tab designation to “Big Jerk” or some other term that is more appropriate for a barroom tab than a newspaper column.

Back in the day, I remember waitresses using all kinds of terms to keep track of various customers. It was usually something short and sweet, something they could be certain to remember. It would either use a physical description, one which may anger or embarrass the customer, if the customer saw the waitress’ original tab by night’s end. A customer rarely did. Like most places, the customer received a receipt as the bill. But quite often, too, the waitress would use a word or two to describe the customer’s personality. Some nights, waitresses would even compete with one another in creating catchy names for customers.

“God’s Gift” may be the designation given to a customer who thinks a little too highly of his skills with the ladies, a shortened version of the old phrase, “He thinks he’s God’s gift to women.”

A guy could be called Archie, because he has red hair and buck teeth like Archie from the comic books.

Women didn’t escape this treatment either, though the waitresses were often less creative with women customers.

Female customers were often described by what they wore. If the female customer was rude, she was described by what she wore with either a derogatory term about her physique as well as a name that rhymes with witch. For example, “Fat Witch in 2-Tight Pants” or “Skinny Witch in Cowboy Hat.”

These designations also made it quick and easy for the waitresses and bartenders to identify certain customers to one another throughout the evening.

So the next time Jimmy Johanson thinks about picking on a waitress, he may want to consider the designation he’s earned and known by at a given restaurant. Jimmy Johanson may think he’s God’s gift but may be known in some establishments as “Loud Jerk.”

Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times and editor of The Tifton Gazette.