Resolutions are strange things. Positive things, if, perhaps, deceptive things. They can both challenge us and fool us.

Still, most folks choose resolutions based on good intentions: Losing weight, eating better, more exercise; promises to stop drinking, to stop smoking, to spend more time with the family, to do a better job at work, etc., etc.

It’s a familiar list based on doing things that are supposed to be better for some aspect of one’s life.

But I wonder why some folks don’t resolve to do some things that aren’t necessarily in their best interest but may be a lot more fun than denying themselves things?

For instance, you don’t hear anyone make a New Year’s resolution to eat more cake, though it is evident that many people resolve to do just that. So, if someone enjoys cake so much, why not resolve to have more of it?

You don’t hear someone make a New Year’s resolution to let themselves go to seed, or to gain weight, or to start smoking.

Imagine asking someone what their New Year’s resolution is, and the answer is, I plan to drink more and spend less time with my family. That may be some folks’ subconscious plan, but they won’t state that as a public resolution. 

At least not while they are sober.

The point is, it is not uncommon to hear someone resolve to do all of these great things and set all of these heroic goals, but you never hear someone make a resolution, such as: “My New Year’s resolutions are to gain 25 pounds; skip work as often as possible while remaining gainfully employed; start smoking two packs of cigarettes a day; start wearing sweatpants every where I go; go without showering for at least a month; eat a couple of peanut-butter-fried-Twinkies a day; add a fifth of liquor to my daily diet; consider my toothbrush a nifty bathroom knick-knack rather than a practical tool of personal hygiene; let my ear and nostril hair grow; go barefoot at work; no longer clip my toenails; punctuate my statements with an eruption of bodily gas; take my family for granted as personal servants; watch television 11 out of every 12 waking hours; sleep 12 hours per day (weekdays), more on weekends; consider exercise the space covered to and from my recliner and the refrigerator as well as bending over to pull items out of the refrigerator — repeating as often as something in the fridge strikes my fancy …”

Granted, you see people doing these things, but they don’t make resolutions to do them.

Given the poor success rate of regular resolutions, maybe these are the types of resolutions we should make. Given that some folks resolve to lose weight only to gain weight, maybe if we resolve to gain weight, we’d lose weight.

Really, we probably don’t resolve to eat more Twinkies because we know the temptation is too great for whatever it is we normally resolve to do better at, whether it is Twinkies, smoking, drinking, etc.

Resolving to eat more would likely just give us license to actually eat more and brag about it: “I’ve kept my resolution to eat more at every meal, every day this month!”

Our New Year’s resolutions may well be only a slight barrier between our best intentions and the resolve of our primary desires.

Now, who wants more cake?

Dean Poling is an editor with The Valdosta Daily Times.